Just Today

Well today was just another day. It is closer to school closing so that is exciting in and of itself, however the depressing thought that is just on the heels of that lovely thought is that a new school year is just around the corner.
Oh, I would say I hate my job that is only a bit of it. I really believe I don't like to work. I want so much but I don't want to go to work. I want to do what I want to do and my job really gets in the way.
I work with idiots the whole lot of them. From the top idiot on down to his hairy second idiot in charge. I loathe them and working with them makes me ill. Oh that felt good to type that thought. In just a few sentences I wish I could sum up what total ass holes I believe them to be.
I am very capable of doing as they wish. But I really don't want to nor do I like it. Why can't I wear sandals to work. It's a gazillion degrees out there and they got me in shoes. I don't wear socks which is a total other story, but I know they don't approve. So what!
I want to do what I want to do. I want to wear what I feel like wearing. Someday, really most days, I don't dress up nor to I want to. I dress like a slob and while I know that's not professional of me, so what, I still get the job done. I wash myself and my clothes so why do you give a flying flip?
Clothes cost money and of coarse the ones anyone wants to buy costs more. Sure I would love to look cared for and about but the simple truth is I can't because I don't have money to do that. All of my money goes into my food, gas and educating my child. I mean I don't even buy her lots of clothes. She has five decent outfits and we wash weekly. She has new shoes and wears them everyday. When they wear down I buy new ones. But to have a wardrobe of shoes is out of the question for me.
The kids I'm around all day have simple clothes on. They wear slacks and a shirt. They wear simple shoes and that is all. I love that. They whole clothing industry would rot if I had anything to do with it. I suppose I would feel very differently if I actually had some money to spend on clothing.
I am really into drawing now. Why this came about I can only trace to learning about adobe photo shop. What a fabulous program. I can't learn enough really. Much of what I am learning is self taught and a few Internet tutorials. It is absolutely fabulous. I hope to get better. I love animations as well. There is so much but the problem is I don't know how to draw. If I did I think I would be dangerous.
I find myself sketching now. At work during the day I sketch. I am not good, hell I'm not even related to good. They are really bad but I do have so much fun doing them. I love the idea of being an artist.
I had several bad dreams recently. On Saturday morning I woke up with a bit of hangover dream. I could remember some of it. In my dream I was told that nothing I did or do goes far because it's no suppose to. Nothing big or great will ever happen to me. As sad as that sounds it was very comforting at the time. I thought, okay now I know why no plan of mine ever works out. I never thought, well, stop even trying. I just know nothing I do or say will ever become what I want it to be. I would say poor me but the truth is, it has always been poor me but now I know that it will always be that way.
It's like that corvette that I will never have or that million dollar motor home I dream of. Not going to happen. Give it up. And so therein are the answers to some of my unanswered questions. Will I ever make it big? Not no but hell no. As to why that was never revealed in my dream.
The other dream was disturbing too. I dreamed an aunt of mine had died. Now I must say that the aunt that died was not a blood aunt nor do I even associate with her but it was sad to me just the same.
All in all the day was not a total waste. I did some drawing. I took it easy. I did some teaching and teaching tasks so I feel like I contributed something to the human race today.
Even though I know I'll never be that star, celebrity singer, actor, writer, artist.
There is always hope, and I can't let go of that.

Random Thoughts

Often I have wanted to just say what I was thinking. I mean, somethings just don't make sense to me and I want to mention it. Unfortunately, I am not always able to say things because of the job I have or the company I am around. So all these years I've had to keep it in. How very sad for me but with something like this I can say out loud what I feel I need to. Maybe you will agree or maybe no one will read any of this. I can just walk around thinking someone is reading my thoughts. That comforts me so I'll go with that.